Thursday, February 23, 2017

Forgetting

Love me

I get confused and my words start tangling up

Along with my thoughts

So here I am sitting on my bed half naked contemplating my existence


I feel that something has changed and that bothers me. 

I feel that I am reaching the end of something. Something I'm desperately holding onto. The moon looks beautiful as always. 

But tonight, it doesn't give me a sense of peace. 

If you tell me you love me

Then it might make things a little better 
But those words will never be said 
He's gone off. 
Maybe forever...
No good bye 
No I love you

Delete.

Delete
The anger is building up...

Sitting on an empty bed

Skin so soft, tender 
He's looking at me
Whispering sweet words into my ear
They mean nothing to me
But it's so easy to let go
Even if only for a few seconds

The night is cold

The wind pushing against me as I struggle to keep warm
The moon looks beautiful

There is nothing in my pockets

I desperately want a cigarette 
Maybe even a drink 
I want to fall down and stay down

The warmth is gone.

There is only an empty ache that can't be filled

It would be so easy to let go


Nxt


I wrote this a few nights ago...

It's a bunch of nonsense


Another sleepless night

Another pack of cigarettes 

The night is so pretty...

Sometimes I can be happy

It'll seem like nothing can bring me down 

But then I'm pulling my hair down, covering my face

Hands tracing my necklace, looking for the clasp 

And then I'm stripping down 

And in an instant everything is falling apart 

I'm lying down half naked

Feeling like the worst person in the world

Staring up at my wall Seeking the perfect song to drown myself in

Hands tracing my leg

Along my cheek

Nothing feels right

If only I could learn to like myself

I'm falling apart again 

I can't sleep 

Another mess...

Sometimes I wonder why I let myself fall so low. 

Why I seek his warmth when I'm at my lowest 

When I know he'll only argue with me

Push me, tell me to let him work

Maybe because I know that he'll come back 

Patting my head, telling me I look pretty 

Making stupid comments to make me laugh

Another cigarette 

Another night

Seeking through all the songs on my phone

Desperately trying to find the right one

And then the itch starts again 

Hair falling over my face 

Clothes strewn all over the place 

Everything is coming back

I want to change the person I am.

I don't know what's going on in my head. What to feel.I doesn't make sense. It made sense in my head but now it doesn't.