Sunday, June 18, 2017

Diego


If I asked you why
Would you be able to answer me honestly
Without any hesitation

What is wrong with me
Chopping away at my hair 
Silently screaming obscenities
Picking up the razor, shaving away
Creating imperfections
Unknown to everyone but me

Can you see the frustration building up inside me?

You're so soft
I want to taste you
Do you know what you do to me?

Sometimes I lie in bed 
Reliving those sweet moments
Spent curled up on your couch
Running my hands through your hair
Along your cheeks
Along your beard

You don't understand what you do to me
How much I yearn to stay with you
Curled up against you
Wanting to feel your warmth

Sometimes I want to feel wanted

It used to be enough just to know
That someone yearned for me
Even if only for a few minutes

Play dress up
Play pretend
Watch them closely
Their reactions
Every action carefully acted out
The sweet young thing
The nervous young girl
The one who understood

I couldn't let my guard down
I couldn't stop.
It was never enough
There was always something missing

And then...

"Diego."
The name is rolling off my tongue
Tasting each letter

Nervous. Unsure. Seeking the warmth of another human being.
The Mechanic. 
My heart is beating madly.
I am a complete nervous mess.
I'm slipping through the cracks
I don't have any control

What are you doing to me?
Is this love? honestly liking someone
Without having to contemplate

                          

I have never lost control of my emotions like that
At least not in front of someone

I'm slipping through the cracks.

I want you to tell me you love me
I want to feel wanted by you.

Even if its only a lie.

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