Monday, July 25, 2016


Lately I've been sulking in my misery.
Arms wrapped around my friend
Pulling on his hair and talking about life 
My feelings for him haven't changed
He's the only person who I can talk to about the thoughts in my head while drinking beer and pulling his hair
My love life sucks.
My feelings for my friend will never change.
But we both know it won't go any further.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

July 3rd

I'm lounging in a pretty darn comfortable couch in the back.

(Still at work.)

I have 5 minutes before I have to go back and face reality.

4 minutes.

I used to think it would hurt a lot.
Confessing your feelings to someone and not getting a reply back.
Or seeing the person you've confessed your feelings to hanging out with someone elsee. His arm wrapped around her.

Don't confess your feelings online

I saw the person I confessed my feelings to.
I panicked and ran. His friend stood to the side smirking.
Like he knew what I had done.
That's the worst feeling.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Death of a Dog

Swipe. Swipe. Nothing good. My heads pending. Shouldn't have drank that much. Heidi. Swipe back. Why is she on Facebook? "You'll be missed." I sit up, panic sweeping through. I drop my phone quickly getting up. I loose my balance, everything swirling around me. I hold onto the walls as I stumble to the back door. It can't be true. We still had a lot things to do. Memories to make. Hugs to be shared. 

As I finally make it down the stairs I slam the backdoor open. "Heidi," I scream tears streaming down my face. She's old. It takes her long to get up. I scream her name again as I stumble towards her dog house. A black figure runs up to me. Alaska. I push her aside. "Hedi!" I cry. 

Upon reaching her house I stick my head inside but see nothing. I look into Alaska's house but nothing. I'm fully crying now, shaking as I flip the lights on for the yard. There's a lump underneath a blanket. I fall down to my knees slowly pulling the blanket off. Her eyes are closed. She's still. No movement. No wagging off her tail. "My Heidi," I sob touching her cold face. Alaska pushes past me. She smells her before lying down next to her. She lays her head on Heidi's stomach. I start sobbing uncontrollably, cradling her head. " beautiful Heidi." 

I don't know how long I've been there. My eyes have dried up. It's just dry heaving. Alaska hasn't left her side. I miss her forehead one last time. I pull Alaska away, pulling the blanket back on.

We buried her the next day.
Alaska cried for days.
I couldn't talk about her without bursting into tears.

They used to tell us that her kind were vicious. To keep her on a tight leash. To muzzle her.

But they didn't know her.
She was a sweetheart.
Afraid of water.
Stealing food. 
Protecting the house.
Licking off the tears.
The joy she brought us.
Curling up on our laps even though she weighed a lot. 
Hugging anyone willing to accept her hugs.

I love her very much.

I saw a Rottweiler a few weeks ago.
I burst into tears when it jumped on me.
I miss her...


I can't think of anything to write.
So here are random photos